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Kung Fu Grip

by Jolly Roger

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1.
We're Back 01:10
WE'RE BACK Jolly Roger's in the house we know it's been some years. We're back but we're not wearing black if anybody cares. We wrote this song to share with you So you know it's no a lie. We're rocking out in Quarantine just hoping we don't die. We didn't break up years ago and this I guarantee. We just forgot to play a show since two thousand and three. Ohhh... We're back! Yea we're back We're back We're fuckin' back Not really a reunion It's more of a reboot.
2.
BOOTY, BEARDS and BOATS Yo Ho Ho We're not a pirate band. We just like the name. So we took a shot. Avast ye We do like treasure. Bootie beards and boats. And X marks the spot. Sails away Sails at night Cannons at bay Put up a fight We're not a pirate band ×3
3.
Update 01:30
UPDATE John has an injury In fact it's gotten worse Brittany still don't get high But what's that in her purse? Angela still has her juggs But they're hanging lower Hey buddy, forget you man Says mister Philip Boner These are the people We used to sing about These are the people we know Mindy Reid learned to read She went and took a class Stinky doesn't smell like roses She still smells like ass Jared finally got a car He wouldn't call a lemon And if you think I fear no beer I have a big confession These are the people We used to sing about These are the people we know Just a few people We thought we should recap These are some people we know. Please don't sue us.
4.
SCOOP MCCLUSKY I met this little girl She had a Sherlock hat A giant magnified glass and A fat assistant cat She said she was for hire If there's anything I need I asked her what her name was And she said this to me She said I'm Scoop McClusky The greatest private eye You couldn't get a lie past me Even if you try My name is Scoop McClusky I always save the day And if you have a job for me You better up and pay She's always on the prowl making sure her house is safe She may grill you for the truth But she still must behave She doesn't want to have to go To time out in the end Cuz even though she can get mad She knows it's all pretend They call her Scoop McClusky The greatest private eye You couldn't get a lie past her Even if you try Her name is Scoop McClusky She always saves the day And if you have a job for her You better up and pay
5.
ASMR 01:47
ASMR Right inside my ear Hear you whisper words I turn up my headphones So it's all emerged Sound is all-around Echoes in my head It gives me goose bumps The triggers that you said And I love, the feeling - of being in a daze Distractions from my problems Like my brain, is on - vacation from myself By turning up the volume Textures being rubbed Slime that's being squeezed Feathers ruffling The airflow from a breeze The calm after the storm The help I need to sleep The release from my day I find my inner peace. And I love, the feeling - of being in a daze Distractions from my problems Like my brain, is on - vacation from myself By turning up the volume
6.
She's Punk 00:27
SHE'S PUNK Shes punk, punk as fuck Spiked up hair Exploited tee Anything she wants to be She's punk, punk as fuck Baseball bat In her hand Middle finger at the man She's punk, punk as fuck Doesn't have a job Doesn't pay a bill Doesn't have to worry Cause she's hot as hell Shes punk, punk as fuck
7.
DFB 00:56
DFB Crusty case A big disgrace Shameful race Filthy rotten Shitty head Viral fed Lies are said Filthy rotten Dirty fucking boy Shameful race A big disgrace Crusty case Filthy rotten Lies are said Viral fed Shitty head Filthy rotten
8.
Theatre Daze 02:07
THEATRE DAZE After high school Got a job at a movie theatre Made some friends for life That part I didn't figure We started a band Practiced after hours Partied up on the roof Stuntdog has Superpowers Theatre daze It was the greatest time I'll ever know The hours sucked But I never paid to see a show. Theatre nights That was our time to have some fun Best of our lives I really wish it wasn't gone. had lots of regulars Some odd ones that we met Like crazy popcorn guy And the lady in the helmet We shot a movie there Laser tag in the dark Kess turning into K-love Ass punch missing the mark Theatre daze It was the greatest time I'll ever know The hours sucked But I never paid to see a show. Theatre nights That was our time to have some fun Best of our lives I really wish it wasn't gone Theatre daze It was the greatest time I ever had The hours sucked Thinking back it makes me pretty sad Theatre nights That was our time to have some fun Best of our lives I really wish it wasn't gone.
9.
STIMULUS Should I pay half my rent? This stimulus is heaven sent. Partial payment on my car This money really gets me far. I got six hundred dollars burning a hole in my pocket. I truly am the richest person I know I got six hundred dollars burning a hole in my pocket Enough to live on? I don't think so. ONLY FANS If I was a hot girl Who had some big ol cans You know what I would do? I would start an Only Fans Free for you to follow For nudes you have to pay Cuz when you have a bod like me You don't give it away. Five bucks to see my peaks Fifteen more I'll spread my cheeks. For the right price see my feet Only fans it can't be beat
10.
Harry Warden 01:54
HARRY WARDEN Its February fourteenth and we're gonna have a dance It's been 20 years since our town has had its last We hope it goes better than it did those years ago We'll hold our breath and wait to see or hit the mines below This town has a curse It started way back then Now he's here to get revenge I wonder where he's been. Run run run away Harry Warden's on his way Run run run and hide Harry Warden is alive On Valentine's Day hope he don't pick you He's back in town at the bluff but we don't seem to know We'll have a party at the mine and everyone will go We'll eat some food, drink some beers then we'll take a ride Down into the pit we work we're gonna have a time This town has a curse It stated years ago Now he's back to get revenge Just like I told you so Run run run away Harry Warden's on his way Run run run and hide Harry Warden is alive On Valentine's Day hope he don't pick you Run run run away Harry Warden's on his way Run run run and hide Harry Warden is alive On Valentine's Day he just might pick you
11.
YOUR OPINION ISN'T FACT Just because you think something don't mean that it is true Uneducated moron did you drop out of school You don't even look up the stuff you claim to know. If someone said jump off a cliff I think that you would go The doctor must have hit You too hard when he slapped Just because you said it Opinion isn't fact You're spouting off some real dumb shit And acting like a God But your name should be Karen I find it pretty odd That you think you're very right And everyone is wrong Your brain is smaller than a pea I knew it all along The doctor must have hit You too hard when he slapped Just because you said it Opinion isn't fact Why do I even try? Your opinion is a lie
12.
JOHN'S RETIRED I just got home from my farewell dinner and I had two IPAs, which isn’t a lot for the amount of Jameson I used to drink, but two IPAs on my pain meds is a much cheaper high, Gonna put on my jammies then get on to kill some zombies I never was a druggie I didn't have the money So video games and beer will have to do. I used to be much tougher And now my back must suffer For the path of life I decided to choose I'm not fired I am retired I'm not expired At least not yet (I'm a Vet)
13.
Wet Bandits 01:05
THE WET BANDITS We'll come into your house and steal all your stuff Dress like a cop to make sure there's enough Time while you're gone so you won't have a clue Clog up the faucet and flood you when we're thru We are. The wet. Bandits. We act like we're plumbers while parked on the street Know your house timers our plans can't be beat Pick a street and wait while you go on vacation Until we met Kevin that's a sticky situation.
14.
Quaran-Tina 01:31
QUARAN-TINA She's been inside since March Hiding from the world I don't think I've ever met an equal type of girl She doesn't leave, she doesn't shop it's all delivery I've only talked with her on zoom I want her here with me She's my little Quaran-Tina Like long distance but she's near Who knows if I'll ever see her In the flesh, perhaps next year. She wears a mask to go Sit on her balcony Try to yell but she can't hear she's on floor 23 She cleans every single thing with lemon Lysol wipes It's been nearly nine whole months and yet she never gripes. She's my little Quaran-Tina Like long distance but she's near Who knows if I'll ever see her In the flesh, perhaps next year. She's my little Quaran-Tina Press my hand against the glass It's like visiting an inmate Twenty twenty kiss my ass
15.
Record Day 01:21
RECORD DAY I like to listen to records Some people say I'm dumb They hate to hear the pops and crackles on their favorite songs I really like the artwork It's so big in my hands (that's what she said) I usually only buy the vinyl of my favorite bands Nothing beats, putting that needle down... And turning it up Nothing beats the warm and fuzzy sound.... Of going old school (It's record day today) I've been in line since 5 am (It's record day today) I'll spend more money than I planned (It's record day today) I really want that box set (It's record day today) This is why I'm in debt It's record day today. It's record day today It's record day today, it's record day... to-day.
16.
SEE NO EMO / HEAR NO EMO Don't like your band Don't like your song Don't like the way you do things It all seems so wrong Don't like your look Don't like your hair Don't like your baggy pants They always make me stare Wear All black And act so mad I pray to God This is a fad See no Emo, Hear no Emo Add them all together and I still come up with Zero Don't like your chains Don't like your clothes Don't like the way Hot Topic Still hasn't closed Don't like your stare Don't like the rain Don't like the way you all Dress just the same Wear All black And act so mad I pray to God This is a fad See no Emo, Hear no Emo Add them all together and I still come up with Zero
17.
Not A Song 01:39
NOT A SONG This is not a song It really don't belong But we needed so many tracks to make a record This is not a song To say so would be wrong It's just a throw away you never heard This is where, the chorus should be And it, should be catchy But it's not It doesn't exist It's not real You must resist Thinking this is a song If this was really a song A new verse would come along But it's not real so there's nothing here at all This is where, the chorus should be And it, should be catchy But it's not It doesn't exist It's not real You must resist Thinking this is a song This song it cannot end Cause it never did begin But if it did it would stop Right now
18.
THE BAND IS BACK TOGETHER Last time we played together We didn't own cellphones But our friend Dwayne had a bag phone in his truck. Didn't even own a computer Wrote our songs on a pad of paper And though it sounds bad now it didn't suck. Got ourselves in book your own life To play some other states But usually there was no one there but us. It's nearly 20 years later We figured what the hell We might as well try once more just because Things were different Times were slower Life was easier When the band was together It's been fun writing these songs And getting back to it We hope you like these as much as we do It won't be two decades Until we put more stuff out Because I'm back together with the crew Things are different Times are slower Life is easier With the band back together
19.
Disclaimer 00:22
DISCLAIMER Ken worked harder on the logo than I worked hard on these songs Now I'm feeling kinda bad cuz it's like they don't belong Judge a book by the cover same as you might this disc I just hope when you hear these tracks you don't get really pissed Ken worked hard on the logo and I'm feeling like a fool The album kinda sucks ass but at least the jackets cool!

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released February 11, 2022

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Jolly Roger Carbondale, Illinois

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